How a tough read became a powerful 75 minutes in my classroom

Friday.  Period 3.  I was dreading it.  It was going to be a tough read.  But, it became a powerful 75 minutes in my classroom.  It was an experience unlike any in my 23 years of teaching and I can't stop thinking about it, which means I should write about it...


This is my first time participating in the Global Read Aloud (GRA).  And it has been awesome in so many ways for my students and for myself.  I promise in a future post to talk about all the ways it is awesome and how to get involved and why you want to be a part of it.  But this post is about that 75 minutes we shared in my classroom on Friday.

We have been reading A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness, inspired by an idea from Siobhan Dowd.  It's a rich novel (Spoiler Alert!) about a young man named Conor who is dealing with his mother's battle with cancer.  When I signed up for the GRA this summer, I read the the assortment of books we had to choose from and was beyond moved by this story of dealing with illness, self isolation, survivor guilt and dealing with losing someone you love.  All the books were inspiring, but this one really touched me.  I didn't choose this particular novel lightly.  There is a lot of darkness, some violence and some really gut wrenching emotions in it.  I knew it would be tough.  I thought about it for a few days, and decided that this was the book I needed to share with my students.

I knew it would be particularly tough for me because my Mom has been fighting an eight year battle with cancer.  The type of cancer she has is called Multiple Myeloma and while treatable, currently there is no cure.  It is a long journey of unimaginable pain and suffering, with treatments that have given her more time with us, but have often been as horrifying and debilitating as the disease itself.  While we don't know just when or how her battle will end, we do know that it will.   It isn't a secret that my Mom is ill.  But, it isn't something I talk a lot about.  I wear a sticker that says "I'm walking for my Mom" in the Terry Fox Run at school, and the fact that my Mom has cancer has come up in class, but mostly in passing.  It has been a fact of my life, but not something I discuss often or openly with many.  I never imagined I would be blogging about it.  Sharing something so personally painful, is no easy task.  So, when I chose this book, I knew it would be emotionally tough on me.

Fast Forward to Friday.  10 chapters from the end of the Novel.

On Friday, we got to the chapter called "100 Years." I don't want to give too much away if you haven't read the book, but it is a heart breaking moment in the story.  I'm tearing up right now, just thinking about it.  I was dreading reading it with my students because I knew I would not be able to hold it together and that my own emotions would wash over me like a tidal wave.  Thank goodness I had purchased the audio book, and was letting it read to the class, because I was right.  I did lose myself in the moment and would have been unable to continue reading to them.  I let it play on into the next chapter where Conor reveals the feelings that have been eating him alive.  I regained some composure and when that chapter ended, wiped my eyes, stoped the audio and looked up at my beautiful, wonderful, thoughtful class.

Not a dry eye in the house.

Some were trying to hide their tears, some were letting them drop like rain.  My Educational Assistant suddenly remembered he had urgent business in the office and rushed out, Kleenex in hand.  But we all felt Conor's loss deeply and on a personal level.

It was a tough read for all of us.  No matter who we are, where we come from, or what our history is, we all experience loss.  The discussion that followed went deep into not just Conor's story, but into our own stories.  The way they were able to apply Conor's experience to their own lives and emotions  was inspiring to me.  There was no judgement, no put downs...just open, empathetic and honest sharing.  It was a pretty powerful and emotional 75 minutes.

It was 75 minutes of literacy instruction that went well beyond my expectations. It expanded their understanding of the novel, opened up discussion on how we deal with grief in many different ways and strengthened the relationships in our classroom community.  They were realizing through sharing that everyone in the room was fighting their own battle that we knew nothing about.  And I almost missed it all, because it would be tough for me, personally.

You know that quote, "I didn't say it would be easy.  I said it would be worth it."  That was Friday.

Always put Passion in the Driver's Seat

Always put Passion in the Driver's Seat

Some final thoughts on The Innovator's Mindset and the IMMOOC experience as it comes to a close. 

I've been thinking a lot about this quote: 

"If we reduce what we do to numbers and letters to measure our achievements, then we forget that it is (or should be) passion that drives us."  (p 224 George Couros, The Innovator's Mindset)

Such an important statement, because regardless of whatever else is going on in my classroom, school, district, or the education world around me, it's my passion for learning and teaching that gets me in the car and starting the ignition.

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There are plenty of others in the car.

Fear is always trying to be the backseat driver.  Fear tries to push me onto the road more travelled.  It's back there nagging at me, reminding me that this could all go terribly wrong.  What if the wifi goes down during an exciting collaborative but tech dependent lesson?  What if no one else is doing the same thing and I look like an idiot?  What if my Students aren't engaged or even remotely interested?  I have to remind myself, that it's okay to listen to those fears and keep them in mind as I travel, but I can't let them take over or I will never get anywhere.  Fear wants to my excuse for staying home, binging on Netflix...playing it safe, and where is the adventure in that?

My learning and training are the navigation system and road maps.  They show me possible bumps in the road ahead and warn me about accidents and dangers to avoid.  They help me apply the curriculum to new ways of teaching and learning.  They remind me to scaffold and differentiate and help me prepare my students for their own journeys, as they guide me on my own.

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Past experience is the seasoned traveller.  It reminds me that taking a certain route didn't work well in the past, and probably won't help me on this trip either.  It tells me to start early and do my research so I don't get bogged down in rush hour traffic and works well with the navigation system to help me find a detour when I hit construction.

My Professional Learning Network peeps are always up for a road trip.  They are in the car talking about all kinds of different routes to take, interesting side trips, places they've been and would like to go.  What I like best about having them along for the ride, is they are always encouraging, no matter what route I choose.  If I make a wrong turn, they help me get back on track.  If the car breaks down, or I get a flat, they help fix the problem so the car gets back on the road quickly.  If I am tired or discouraged, they listen.  They know the best places to stop along the road to refuel or take a break and recharge.  They will be cheering me on to my destination, where ever that is, hanging out the window with their arms in the air screaming "Yee Haw!"

But passion is the driver. 

It's that same passion that was ignited for me on my first day of Kindergarten when I came home and told my Mom that I was going to be a Teacher when I grew up.  It was passion that gave me resilience when I was supply teaching all those years and wondering if I would ever get a permanent teaching job.  It was passion that gave me the grit to get through days when things were not going well, and the strength to deal with the death of a student.  My passion has pushed me to try new things in the classroom, to take courses, to share my learning, learn from others, to push myself to be a creator and not just a consumer.  It is passion that builds relationships with my students and colleagues and propels learning.  It is passion that leads me to new adventures and encourages new experiences.

On this wild and winding road trip of life, wether it is a professional or a personal journey, it's my passion that will never steer me wrong and will get me to my destination safely.  No matter who else is in the car with me, I'm going to let her drive.

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